Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.
Your sensitive heart may find it difficult to say the things it needs to say at this time. There is apt to be a degree of intimidation that stands between you and the person that you really need to talk to. Don’t be shy about initiating conversation in regards to topics that usually are not spoken out loud. Things will only get worse if you let these issues fester inside of you.
Things between us have changed, there’s no denying it either. It makes me sad though because we once had one of the greatest friendships that I’ve ever had. I feel like your bored of me or your just tired of my bullshit. I also think that your probably got another girl on the side so you don’t need me in your life anymore, which makes me feel like I’ve been used. I always wanted you to be mine but my feelings have changed. Congratulations you’ve pushed me away. You should be proud that i played your stupid ass game. I can’t believe how many chances i gave you. Its going to be hard to move on from you, considering I’ve known you for 7yrs. You were there for me and i thank you for that but you weren’t there when i needed you the most. I guess one could say that i cared more than i should of and i expected way too much from you but these past couple of weeks have been a real eye opener for me. Im sorry i couldn’t be that ‘perfect’ kick back chick that you hoped for but i do have feelings and i have been hurt before and i do get jealous of the other girls that you have slept with whilst sleeping with me.
This is the end of what was once a great thing that we had going on but i can’t sit back and be angry at you and myself.
Trying to work out my thoughts for today has been way too messy. Today i felt a bit all over over the place, yet i was numb. For some reason i didn’t feel tired nor energetic, i didn’t feel hungry yet i still finished my meals.
I told this person that i was supposed to meet up with that im bailing on our plans because i felt like crap and cos they were sick and needed rest but really i did it because i knew that they were going to bail on me and i thought that it would be better for my self esteem if i did it first. Unfortunately it didn’t go that way, instead i still felt like crap. I put way too much effort into this relationship we have, when i shouldn’t. Im getting over the whole hard to get thing he plays. I don’t want to play games and im so over planning things that never work out and then im the one left sitting there with nothing to do. All these emotions i feel are pathetic. I don’t even know why i bother. I always tell myself ‘just leave it’ or ‘let him plan it’. I just can’t help myself. I need someone new in my life so i can focus on them and at least they will give me the attention i deserve.